Years of experience handling boobies of all types in a multitude of different settings.
1. Do not stop driving.
2. Pack as much in the way of snacks and beverages as can comfortably fit in the vehicle with you so that you don’t have to stop every time you need a bite to eat or a sip of water.
3. Go light on the beverages. I hate to say it but dehydration is key to fast, efficient road tripping. This is the one time when your pee should never be clear.
4. Make every stop multi-purpose. If you need to stop to get gas, also restock on your snacks and use the restroom. I don’t care if you don’t have to pee, you can get something out.
5. Avoid caffeine. Caffeine is a diuretic, if you can avoid drinking it on road trips it will mean less bathroom breaks. If you have to have it, try caffeine pills, 5-hour energy, or an espresso shot so that you are not consuming large amounts of caffeine along with large amounts of liquids.
6. Make exactly one stop at a quirky non-chain restaurant like Ole’s Big Game Bar in Paxton, Nebraska. It will help to break up the monotony.
7. Do not eat beans.
8. Do not speed. By that I mean, < 10 mph over on interstates and highways, and < 5 mph over on city roads, but make sure to follow the < 5 mph over on highways where they cross small towns (or not speed at all) to avoid speed traps.
9. Use your cruise control, even though towns. It will keep your gas mileage up, and help you avoid the speed traps mentioned in the previous rule.
10. Quit when you need to. Working for 16 hours straight is not fun and neither is driving for the same length of time, even in teams. If you can’t afford a cheap motel, consider camping.